Jo Hemmings, author of The Dating Game, The Little Black Book and Be Your Own Dating Coach, trained as a psychologist before becoming a dating coach and relationships consultant. She has written for the Daily Mail,the Daily Mirror, Glamour and Cosmopolitan and has made regular appearances as the relationships expert on The Trisha Show and Radio 4's 'Woman's Hour'. She is available for private/groups tuition on flirting, dating, body language and relationships in general.

In her own words she is:

'A woman with a little common sense, an irreverent sense of humour as well as a grip on reality, a smattering of 'expert' knowledge, considerable interest in how the dynamics of relationships work, some very close and long-suffering girlfriends and a fairly long and mixed history of dating. I know how tough it can be out there:-;'

She acts as a dating coach for Meet at Last and for dating seminars and events. Find out more at her site or go along to one of her date coaching events at Meet at Last. She is currently writing The Relationship Detox Programme: six weeks to turn your life around, to be made into an 8 part TV series for BBC2 later in 2006. This excerpt from 'The Dating Game' is reproduced with her permission.

Expectations

It is always worth having realistic expectations especially with the vulnerability that comes from having come out of a recent and meaningful relationship. Although there has been a lot of nonsense written about not going into another relationship shortly after a break up – the rebound syndrome – do not expect the next man to slip conveniently into place, plugging the gap left by the old one, making you feel whole again. Revel in your rediscovered singledom, take your time to have a little fun and play the field and don't leap into the arms of the first man that appears to offer you stability and comfort. This is not the time for that – this is the time for excitement, a little wildness, no commitment and enormous fun along the way. Men are hugely attracted to women who have independence and who genuinely want to be with them rather than need them. If you leave a man wanting, then that's just what he'll do….

The other side of the coin, when you're back on the singles scene again, is that scary creature – the Desperate to Date. We all know these women – they may be stunning with fantastic figures and the wit of Dorothy Parker, but they can't seem to attract and keep a man. It's as if they give off some silent signal to men, alerting them to back off before they're drawn in, unprepared and unwilling into commitment. There's nothing obvious about these women in the main, but to men there is a definite red alert, that keeps them on their guard and at a safe distance. Actually, contrary to popular opinion, it is not exclusively a female trait. I have met many men, who in their unseemly rush to find a life-long mate, shower you with questions all designed to demonstrate your suitability as a lifetime partner. This kind of behaviour is a definite no-no. It is easy to fall into this trap, especially as you get older - so few men, so little time – but it is a majorly off-putting to the simpler sex, whose initial thoughts are more along the lines of ‘I wonder what her tits look like' rather than wondering whether you'd look stunning in winter white as a Christmas bride or whether your star signs are compatible. Maintain your dignity and remain just slightly elusive if you feel that you are in danger of the desperate to date syndrome. Ask questions only because you genuinely want to find out more about someone else not because you're wondering what they look like in a tux or whether their earning capacity can keep you in designer wear for the rest of your days. Remember men love a woman who is warm, funny, honest and just slightly out of their reach.

Another danger point when starting over is not giving enough. Of being too suspicious and cynical of any new mate, beacuse of having been badly treated in the past. I have seen many potentially good relationships founder because the woman was over-cynical and wouldn't give the relationship a fighting chance. Bitterness can often come over as sarcasm and arrogance and while sharp, dry wit can be enormously attractive to men cutting cynicism is rarely so. You can be a little guarded and discreetly look out for any danger signs, while still being warm, fun and flirtatious.

Another definite no-no when entering a new relationship is discussing previous relationships (see Take Time for Reflection above). Your bitterness and resentment, or simply your longing and sadness will have your man running for the hills however kind-hearted and sympathetic he seems. It will always seem that you are comparing him, not giving him a chance to shine and still yearning for a lost love. While men relish the thrill of the chase, they like – at least at first – to have your undivided attention and a blank canvass upon which to impress you. It is natural that you will exchange this sort of information as your relationship progresses, it is an essential part of getting to know someone, but in the first few dates it is better to either touch upon old relationships en passant or to mention them, but minus the gory details!